This year's race begins

Published in the Sept. 12 issue of the 100 Mile Free Press:

We have a federal government who can’t see west of Ontario and north of Sudbury; we have a provincial government who isn’t even sitting this fall to avoid questions over a wage scandal.
Canadians have a federal election hanging over their heads, with municipal races also revving up. And before we know it, British Columbians will be at the provincial polls as well.
But besides the scattering of civic-candidates’ signs and flyers, it’s always been federal elections’ bombardment on voters in every available media that can’t be ignored.
The Conservatives are not very good at keeping a secret; on the contrary, they are horrible. Long before the election was even called, citizens were receiving propaganda by way of electronic and paper mail — also known as spam and birdcage liner — touting the greatness of the Tories and the idiocy of Stéphane Dion’s Green Shift; they caused a big stir when they wanted to put an attack ad on Ontario gas station service screens, trying to sway customers with an over-used photo of Dion holding out in his upturned palms in an act of submissive shruggery.
Daily, in my email inbox, I receive transmissions from all parties blaming each other for everything from global warming to offending Canadians with pooping puffins; imagine if they worked as hard at the welfare of the country as they do at attacking each other?
The Conservatives say Dion is “a weak leader who doesn’t know where he stands and doesn’t know where he’s going.” The Liberals say, “Mr. Harper has proven that he’s entirely incapable of providing real leadership.”
They might as well be calling each other “buttface” in an elementary schoolyard.
The most unsurprising event in this race thus far is that David Emerson will not be seeking re-election.
Safe to say, his writing was on the wall — in block letters; the only way he’d have a hope in heck of regaining his seat is if he moved constituencies — perhaps to Zambia.
But, should the Tories be back in office, the close colleague of Harper is sure to find some sort of cushy employment in Ottawa.
The Conservatives, on their website, claim Canadians have a choice between two leaders, two visions and two records. “The choice is clear.”
Where is Jack Layton in all this? Is he really so off the map?
As far as leaders go, when you review the competition – the control freak and the flip-flopper – Layton, as an individual, looks great; too bad his party doesn’t look as appealing.
So who do we choose: the Dictator, the Muppet or the Mustache?
Harper wants you to know he is “a leader who has put the aspirations of families — and the pressures they face — at the heart of national decision-making.”
(Unless you’re gay or faced with an unexpected pregnancy.)
On the net, I think Dion said he wants to reconcile the people and the environment.
(But at what cost?)
Layton says “It’s time for a decent minimum wage, it’s time for a break on ATM fees, on affordable education, child care and prescription drugs.”
(But let’s go soft on criminals.)
But hey — there's still the Green Party (who aren't even allowed in the televised leaders' debate).